Culture Shock #4 - I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

When I get asked if I have any problems with living in Japan, I usually reply that there aren't many.

But, the truth is that the one big problem living in Japan has caused for me is simply usually too difficult and deep to explain. 

(By the way, I've even been planning this post in my head for a long time now, 
but I still am having difficulties writing it in the way I want. But, I'll try my best.)

Basically, my problem is this: I find it very hard being a girl here in Japan. And, I absolutely hate the fact that this is happening, but no matter how hard I try to not be, I feel like I'm more self-conscious than I ever have been in my life. 

Japan is a very different country from America. Yes, in America we have ideals: everyone wants to be thin. But, we aren't all able to do that (or, at least more people are not). And, the "normal" size is something I'm at least kind of close to, I feel like.

Not so, in Japan. The majority of Japanese (Asian, in general) girls, first of all, have the body type that can be thin (as in, no matter how much I dieted/worked out/whatever, I could never get that thin). Second, the "ideal beauty" is so much thinner, and I feel like the pressure is much greater as well.

I feel this difference every single day.

• When I try on clothes, and not even the "Large" fits me, it is frustrating. 
• When I see the uber-pretty girls with their long thin legs, tiny waists, and just general thinness... Yeah, I'm jealous.
• When my friends do things like complementing each other on how thin they are, and these already-very skinny girls talk about being on diets (as almost everyone is, here) or needing to diet... it's frustrating. And, though I don't want to be, I'm envious. 
• I even hear what guys have to say about girls and what types they like (and yes, I've heard them talk about skinniness being a factor). And, I feel kind of worthless after that. 

And, all those bolded words up there? They disgust me. But they're true, and I hate it so very much. 

I know that I shouldn't be thinking this way. But, no matter how many times I tell myself it is wrong, I do anyways. 

It's so very easy to look at all the girls around me, and feel horrible about myself. And in Japan, you can't get away from it. In American, I am also one of those people who always thinks I need to be thinner, but it's never been this extreme before. Even while I knew all about this before coming here, and tried to prepare myself, I find myself unable to resist this feeling of being completely and utterly...

Unpretty.

Which, is the weirdest thing, because I've never been told more in my life how "pretty" I am.

• My friends say it - in a very frank way, and actually quite often, which just doesn't happen so much in America
• My host family literally comments on how I'm so pretty to people that they introduce me to, and the times that they don't, the other person will bring it up on their own
• Complete strangers will say things to me: how I have a "pretty face," or something similar
• And most confusing of all: I get informed that other people say that about me (meaning, when I'm not there, they talk about me like that) 

I KNOW don't fit the "ideal" that the Japanese like. And, so I don't understand - is it just that everyone says nice things but don't really think them? Like, are they lying to make me feel good or something? That, I feel like I can believe, just because people here are so nice. But, what about the people that don't say that directly to me - clearly, they aren't just trying to make me feel better. So they must think it's true?

I am so confused.

And yet, it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.

I have found a song that addresses this issue. It is a mashup of two songs, so goes back and forth, back and forth - tryyyyying to feel pretty, but going back to not being able to. And, it is something that I feel I understand too well (aside from the one opposite line about being "too skinny," hah ><), right now.

I actually discovered this song during the first month of arriving here. And, it really resonated with me. I am a person who will listen to things on repeat when they like them, and totally make use of youtuberepeat.com with some of my favorite songs.

But, I have never listened to the same song so many times in my life.
This song will literally stay playing for hours at a time.
But, I can't say I agree with the lyrics, as the last word, "unpretty," is still the only one I can understand.

I feel like, this is the huge thing about Japan that I can say I don't like.
Because, I hate the fact that the way I look at myself has changed for the worse.
And, I don't know how to fix it. 

When I am Weak, He is Strong

Today I was feeling rather useless... Like, is there really a purpose I am here? Yes, I'm having fun, I learning Japanese, hanging with awesome people, and working hard in school. But, I feel like I need to be doing more, more things that truly matter. And, was actually thinking about this for a good half an hour while walking today.

I mean, I have worked so hard to try get back to Japan, but if that does happen, is this really where I am supposed to be? I considered this for a long time. Because, I just don't know what kind of eternal impact I am leaving here, and sometimes I wonder whether it is worth anything.

But of course, it's then - at my most worthless state - that God goes and completely blows my mind.

When I am weak, He is strong (and thus, I am too), and can use me to do things I never could on my own.

Amazing thing, is I read this passage just last night (just a slightly different version):

"But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Did I think much of it then? I mean, yeah, it's always good to know, but it wasn't anything special.

But now? I am in complete awe at the perfect timing.

Coincidence? 

Not a chance. And, it never is.

(Which, I actually explained to a friend tonight, and didn't even realize it had just happened to me in this way until I came home!)

And so, tonight, I rejoice in my weakness, for I was used by my Heavenly Father. And I can't think of a single thing that is better than that. ♥

Why I went back to America so I could try to come back to Japan

So, as you all know if you follow me on facebook, I had a very difficult decision to make recently. But, I never did really explain what it was to everyone, other than saying it was a scholarship.

Basically, I am attempting to return to Japan. I have realized that 4 months here is much too short for me to understand the culture in the way I want to, to gain a grasp of the language that I want to, and to spend time with the amazing people I have met here and don't want to leave. 

So, I spent a week furiously working on the Monbukagakusho Scholarship application. This is offered by the  Japanese government, and is for foreign students to study abroad in Japan. I am applying for the Research Student Scholarship (which will become Master's study after passing the university's entrance exam), which includes the following: a monthly stipend, airfare to and from Japan, and exemption of school fees for entrance examination, matriculation and tuition.

Basically guys, Master's is expensive. And study in Japan is expensive. And, so, without this scholarship, I will definitely not be coming back here for this. 

I turned in my application on Wednesday the 13th. And, I found out the next week Friday that I passed the first screening, and made it to the test and interview round. 

Which, would have to take place in Seattle. The following week.

It was a ridiculously hard decision to make. Should I really spend $1,600+ USD (over 130,000円) and miss an entire week of school (leaving my groupmates to present without me, and another friend to do most of the work on a project we had together) all for just a "chance" at getting a scholarship? After all, I could potentially fail my Japanese/English exams the first day, and not even move onto the interview portion. 

It was hard. Very hard. But, I ended up back in Seattle the next week. 

(Just some of my application and interview preparations ^^)

The way I see it... 

I have been praying a lot about this. I did my very best with my application. I had enlisted the help of my friends (with advice) and family (with both advice and putting together and turning in the paperwork for me since I wasn't able to myself). And, if God got me this far, maybe this is something that He wants for me. And, maybe this is something I could possible get - and 3 years of my life could potentially become so completely different than I had ever imagined. 

And, if I just left it here... I would never know. Even if I do not get chosen, I will know I have tried my hardest, instead of forever wondering what might have happened had I given it my all. 

And so, here I am. It feels unreal that I left Japan, went home, and came back in such a short amount of time. It felt unbelievable the entire time I was there too. And while the time I had was super short, I got EVERYTHING I needed done (including some medical tests and forms that still needed to be filled out and turned in, which had been hard to do in Japan). The tests and interview also went well. I feel like I did my best all the way through, and couldn't have done anything different.

Whatever the outcome, I have no regrets. The chance itself was enough. It will be a hard wait for the results, but with all the support I've received, I think that just the knowledge that so many people are behind me in all my life-efforts is enough to make everything I did worth it. Once again, I love you all. ♥

The Time I Karaoke-ed with Strangers ;)

Haha, this title makes me laugh - as it did when I thought it up while walking home. x)

I'll try to keep this short(er), unlike my other mile-long post that no one can read. lol

I was supposed to meet my friend Sachi and our other friend (who didn't show - lol), and some of her ESS (English Speaking Students) friends. After a lot of waiting, running around hither and thither to gather other people (and crashing an ESS party xD), we headed down to Karaoke at Rokkomichi!

It was funny, because it ended up being just Sachi, me, and 4 other of her friends from ESS. And, then just about (or even less than!) half-way through our 2 hours, Sachi had to leave! So... I was singing Karaoke. In a little room. With 4 Japanese "strangers" (just meaning, I'd never met them before like an hour ago!)

Hehe, these are the kinds of nights that I could never ever plan out. Would never guess would happen. And, they are exactly what make life interesting. And how blessed am I that they seem to happen each week, if not more often here!?! ♥

Anyhow, it was like めっちゃ恥ずかしいいいいいい～ (majorly embarrassing), but I did my best to sing Japanese songs. And managed that decently well - I just realized, I only sang two English songs?! Wow. Even I'm shocked. :P And, tried to understand what was being said around me. Which, wasn't everything of course, but mostly! ^^ And, it was just super fun. Because they were ESS students, they also had a decent grasp of English, and I was SUPER impressed by their English singing-ability!!! So awesome. :))) 

(Btw, this way of Karaoke-ing was different than I've experienced before. Everyone took their turn, and it wasn't like everyone pick whatever song they want whenever they want, and we all sing along, like I'm used to. It was interesting! And also felt like there was more pressure - LOL. I think at the start, my voice was not super steady... ^^;; )

Anyhow, I ended up spending my night with these four:

To-to: Got to talk with her a bit before about the ESS drama section, and we sang California Girls together - fun stuff! x) Unfortunately, didn't know any of the other English singers she knew - I need to brush up on my English music too, apparently! ^^;;

Atsuko: Her voice is SUPER cutesy, and all her songs sounded absolutely perfect to me. ^^ Super Japanese-poi, I think! :)

Yuki: Sang some heavy metal songs in English, and I probably couldn't have done them - lol! Very impressed, because I get stressed out by even slow Japanese songs, and I definitely couldn't try almost screaming them - lols

Toitoi: I'd already listened to 2 hours of his English in the ESS play I went to a month or so ago (he was the main character!), so that was intimidating enough, but he also sings amazingly! Like, super good - probably one of the strongest voices I've heard in a Karaoke room. ^^

Hehe, all in all, it was a super fun night. Though they were being typical way-too-nice Japanese and saying my Japanese pronunciation was good (and even praising my English pronunciation - LOL, sorry, that's not needed, guys xD). 

And then... I spent like 2 hours after coming home typing my status in Japanese and messages to these new friends in Japanese (DUDE, this takes sooooo long for me >.<), and also typing up this post. When I need to pack/do homework/do a million other things instead. Oh well. x)

In conclusion... Karaoke-ing with strangers? Never, ever, ever, EVER would happen in the US. I'd most definitely leave with my friend when she had to leave, if I'd even go in the first place. But here?... It just feels okay. And, for some reason, because they are the awesome Japanese that they are, it is, and I end up with karaoke-ing with new friends instead. ^^♥

When Pictures Are Not Needed

The title is a shocker, right? With me and my 4,000+ pictures since coming to Japan (and much of this has already been sorted through and bad ones have been deleted!!) only 2 and a half months ago... Well, the girl who always lugs her massive DSLR camera about in her purse wherever she goes saying "pictures aren't needed" just doesn't seem to fit.

But, I am. And, today helped me (to my surprise) realize that.

I have Japanese friends who take the same business classes as me (lots, actually! x) ), but it is actually quite often to just hang out with them at any random time. Because of their part-time jobs and crazy class loads (my one friend is taking FIFTEEN classes.... o.o), we usually schedule things in advance. So, today's shopping trip was scheduled awhile ago, and I was so excited to get to hang with my friends. ^^

We were to go on a clothes-shopping adventure. And, it was an adventure indeed! We started at Sannomiya at 6, and basically walked all over - Ikuta Road area, toward Motomachi, down toward the Harbor, and then back up to Sannomiya and more shopping below the station, where we ended 3 hours later - at 9pm, when the stores closed! (I wish I could show a map, hahaha)

My adventure was with 3 ladies that (I just realized!) I had the pleasure of meeting from my very first school day of the semester, and who have also all become group-mates of mine in various classes.

Shiwori: This girl is so cute, you want to just give her a hug every time she smiles. I kid you not! ^^ I have restrained myself thus far, but it's been hard. x) I haven't worked with her for very much yet - our group (with Sachi, in our business and debate case study class) was just formed last week - but when we found out we were to be group members, she was was so cute and said she was 「めっちゃ嬉しい！」(truly happy) and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. ^-^

Yumi: She is my business law group, and is the reason I'm in their group. She was adorable during our very first class, and when we were to form groups, she asked me to join them. I couldn't be happier that she did. :) I've been able to watch her in an English play her drama team did, and we have the same little habit (though hers is much less frequent, of course - lol) of pulling out a book and writing down new phrases or words in it. ^^

Sachi: She is in the same group that I'm in with Yumi, another business class, and a TA in our business debate and case class. However, she is now part of my team in that class, and I'm very happy. ^^ Starting after a random night where we were able to get dinner together early on in the semester where we really connected, she has been the one who has organized dinners and days for us to meet up. She's just the sweetest thing, and I count myself a lucky girl indeed that somehow she decided that we should do many things together, and is actually making sure that happens - no matter how busy she is. Also, she pushes me so much in my Japanese, and I feel like every single time I spend time with her, I can tangibly feel a change in me for the better. :)

Anyways, I had the pleasure of spending my evening with these three. And, it was so much fun.
Yet... I have not a single photo (from when we were all together) to mark the night.
This... is a bit distressing to me, of course. Being the picture-fanatic that I am, of course I want pictures!
But, I had my camera with me the entire time. And, I was constantly thinking "I want to take a picture of that" and had the urge to grab my camera out of my bag many, many times.

Yet, I never did. What happened?

Well, this is what happened:

• We laughed over super funny Japanese-English everywhere
• I kept track of all the new words I was learning
• I got told by a super fast-talking and very "Kansai"-ish shop 店員 (clerk) that if we got married, we he could move to Hawaii to be with me (hilarious story, if you can't tell already xD)
• We talked about our futures
• We explored vintage clothing shops and I saw a side of the more "local" shopping that I definitely haven't seen even though I've been here over 2 months
• I was complimented on my Japanese improving majorly since I first came - and they would know, seeing as they all saw me when I was really here for only one week (which, while I am aware that it is not nearly as good as they make it out to be, does make me feel good that my work is paying off)
• We talked about boys! x) Yes, Kobe business school boys - I now know which of you are かっこいい and 持てるそう and such. Muahaha! ;) 
• I worked really hard to concentrate and understand what was being said
• They had fun laughing at my reactions to Japanese fashion, and confession that I simply don't understand it
• I had an awesome conversation about my beliefs on relationships (in Japanese, which I consider a huge accomplishment because I also feel that I expressed and got across exactly what I feel, which is so very important to me)
• We looked for a Japanesey-outfit for me (successfully - yay! ^^)
• We surprised another 店員 when Sachi and I switched to English, and she couldn't get over how amazing Sachi was at English. x) 

And, we just were 4 friends, shopping.♥ No camera brought extra attention. No camera (blatantly, anyways) gave away the fact that I wasn't Japanese-from-Japan (I think this was also a little harder to see today than normal, maybe because my outfit was a lot more Japanese-mitai than usual ^^). No camera made people stop what they were doing to pose, no camera changed the mood to "oh, I'm having my picture taken". And, no camera distracted me from the moment, or the natural-ness of it all. 

It was... amazing. And, while yes, I might wish I had a few pictures in there to increase my happiness of this night, I also am completely satisfied.

Because, I had an amazing night. Made amazing memories. And, while a picture might be worth a thousand words? Well, I already have written much more than that much here (lol, typical Ashley-fashion). And, this will help me remember the perfect memory I have of tonight: uncluttered and the most natural experience in the world - shopping with my Japanese friends in Japan, speaking in Japanese, and just "being" Japanese. 

And, we'll totally hang out again and take a million pictures then, of course. Hahaha. x) But, as the photo-crazy girl that I am, I am very grateful for this very important lesson I've learned. 

Sometimes, pictures aren't needed for memories. Being fully and utterly in the moment can eclipse anything a camera could try to capture. 

My Host Family♥

Today, as a sort-of last-minute surprise, I met the rest of my Host Family!♥

So, as a little bit of background, I applied for a Host Family for the rest of my time here, but this is a bit different than a Homestay. Homestays are where you stay with the family, but this is more like a "Home visit" program, where I just get to meet up with my family and do various things with them. So, I get a glimpse into a Japanese way of life, and also get to have a sort of "family" for while I'm here! :)

Anyways, so this past Monday I met the most adorable おばあちゃん  (grandmother), and she had given me some pictures of the rest of her family that wasn't able to meet up that day. Also, I gave her some gifts from Hawaii, and she was so surprised and thankful, she actually gave me a hug!! This was shocking for me, since I've come to see that Japanese tend to not do that. But, it was so awesome, and a very good sign that I got placed with the perfect family. :)

I had thought I would only get to meet the rest of them next week Friday, but thanks to a couple emails exchanged with the mother (Ayako), we found today worked and I was invited to have dinner with them!!

I actually traveled outside of Kobe to meet them. Which, was a bit far (it takes me 25 minutes to walk to the station, and then was a bit over 30 minutes to get to Akashi), but it was cool to be able to finally have gotten outside of Kobe, in the Western direction!!

As I exited the ticket barrier, I saw my obaachan and one of her grandsons - and was greeted by another hug!! ^^ Anyways, they have two boys - ages 11 (Atsushi) and 14 (Satoshi), and they were both super excited to meet me. The older one was cute and would use a bit of English with me (he greeted me with "Nice to meet you", though was super shy ^^), while the younger one is like a ball of energy and actually greeted me by running up, coming to a stop by jumping, and shouting "ASHURI-SAN!" xD

Then, we had a lovely Japanese-style pasta meal, walked to look at the Akashi Temple, and bought yummy cake to bring back to their house, which is in Maiko (also a bit far from my home, but this will all be WORTH IT ^^). 

和風 (Japanese-style flavor) YUMMMMM~

CUTE, RIGHT?!?! Hehe, Atsushi looks a bit like a deer-in-the-headlights in the pic, unfortunately, but he's adorable (and super crazy, lol), trust me. x) 

I got to play piano at their house, which is so cute!!! Also, the mother is a piano teacher, and wants for me to learn a duet so we can play together! I don't know how well I'll be able to do that (dang it, I wish I had kept up my playing right now... T^T), but I'll try my best! ><b

Then, we had cake and tea together, and watched some of their home-videos (like of an Aladdin アラジン play Satoshi had been in, and a sports day event Atsushi had been in just earlier that day!), and looked through some photos from a trip the grandmother had taken to Nepal a couple years ago.

And, we just talked, which was so exciting. They had been worried about how they were going to be able to talk with me (which is silly, because the mother's English is actually quite good!), but were super happy that I could converse with them! I'm sure I sound silly (which is kinda embarrassing, with the little boys and their  Japanese being so much better than mine, lol), but they keep saying I'm so good (ohhh, such typical nice Japanese people... ^^).

I stayed with them quiteeee late! They drove me to the station (OMG, I GOT TO BE IN A CAR AGAIN! IT HAS BEEN SO LONG! lol), and gave my an umbrella just in case it might rain (not needed, but they insisted ^^). And, the grandmother even walked me up to the station and, against my wishes, bought my train ticket home.

Totally amazing kindness. The entire night.
And, they were so welcoming, I feel like I'm already part of their family. This is just AMAZING. ♥

So excited for my remaining time with them. I'm sure I'll be posting a lot about my Japanese family-experiences in the future. :)

Culture Shock? #3 - Expressing Friendship

Something surprised me tonight.

I had sent a message to my group members during the week, just regarding preparation for tonight's class. And as usual, they all thanked me for the message, but what one guy said really surprised me.

He was very touched that I had opened my message with "Hi friends~" and said thank you for considering him my friend.

I was so shocked! I feel like in the US, this is not surprising to people, or they don't consider it a big deal. And, I wouldn't ever really expect someone to be affected like that by me calling them a friend (even if it does have a lot of meaning to me).

Granted, being the American that I am (lol), it still makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside too, to hear something like that said to me. To hear that someone considers you important - that's a pretty amazing feeling, right?

Well, to me it is. And that's why I always want to express that to others, so hopefully they get to feel the same way as I do. :)

It makes me wonder though. Is that uncommon here, among Japanese? Is it my frank way of speaking my mind that catches people off guard, or is this truly a rarity in Japan, where we learn in every single language class about how you constantly are dancing around outright saying the truth in Japanese? (For example: you may have the most legitimate excuse in the world, and yet you should often say something related to it, then trail off without finishing your sentence, which is a very important thing to learn to sound fluent...)

It also makes me question though - like I said, in America, I don't think people would ever really say a "wow, thanks for calling me your friend" type of thing.  I think they'd mostly keep it to themselves, if they even thought much of it at all… In contrast, when Japanese people are thankful? I can't get them to stop thanking me, even if I feel like I haven't done anything important at all!

Anyhow. It was something that caused me to think. 'Cause this could definitely be a culture difference. Maybe one culture doesn't express itself, while the other does? Or maybe one culture actually responds with their feelings of thanks, while the other hides it?

...Or, you know what? Maybe people just don't make friends quite as fast, no matter where you are. Whereas me? My group mates (and sooooo many other amazing friends I've met here) have already stolen a piece of my heart, and it's only growing with time. ;)

Either way. It warmed MY heart to respond to his comment with a " もちろん！Of course we're friends!" ♥ :)

The Long-way always has its surprises...

Today, was a hilarious day. :) For a variety of reasons (the first of which will have to wait till later^^), but the one that I want to write about now is something that I have found to be true many, many times in the past month and a half or so.

And that is: that the long-way is not bad. Not in the least. In fact, the long-way almost always has its surprises. :)

I can see this in the many little gems of pictures I have been able to get because I happen to turn down a different road than normal, as I said in a previous post. But, it also shows itself in more prominent, "wow, that never would have happened if I didn't decide to deviate from the norm" ways.

So, today after school, Lisa and I walked down to Rokkomichi to run some errands. After she split off and went home, since I wanted to get some more fresh foods for my fridge (I'm always on the hunt for the cheapest vegetables, btw ;D), I shopped in one of grocery stores down there. Since I've gained almost what could be called a 興味 (interest, lol) in just strolling down the aisles, looking at all the food (no joke xD), it took a little while... ^^;;

Anyways, as I was walking home with all my purchases, I happened to come to a certain road. Here, I usually continue straight and walk up the hill to my dorm farther down, but for some reason today I turned super early. I realized my mistake immediately - I was lengthening my walk by a considerable amount, and also adding a couple more hills to climb up and down. Why did I do that? -_-; Ah well, I already started down this way, it'd be weird for people to see me turn around (lol), so I just continued on - and who doesn't need a bit more exercise, in Japan? x)

After climbing back up to my regular route, I was just walking past a little temple that I pass every day. I realized that the steps were filled with little girls and their backpacks this time, but that was all I had time to do before they all said in unison "Hello!" and giggled as I passed.

When I responded back "Hello!" they giggled more, then my "英語がしゃべる？" (basically: You speak English?") comment made them stare shocked, then grin widely.

And that... was the start of a 45minute-1hour conversation that never would have happened without a random decision to make a single turn down a street. :)

It was quite a hilarious one. Mostly consisting of one of them saying (almost yelling, I'd say xD) random English words, and me responding with either their Japanese component, or helping them say the correct word instead, and of course random tangents from there. Our "conversation" included all the following words/phrases, and MANY more:

"Elephant!", "Apple!", "Jeans!", "Hot!", "I'm tired!" (this was her favorite phrase, and she said it many times, lol), "Walkman!" (which I had to update them from to MP3 player ;) ), "Merry Christmas!", "Deer!", Violin!", "Volleyball!", "Lady Gaga!", "Madonna!", "Justin Bieber!" (this inspired an even larger fit of giggles than normal, as one girl said she liked him, and the others were like "whatttttt?!"),  "Purikura!" (and after me telling them I liked it too, they had to show me all their Purikura collections - which was QUITE extensive!), "Kangaroo!", "I love you!", "Boy Crazy!" (okay, this phrase came from me, after they explained in Japanese what they wanted to say about one of the girls there ^^), " Car!", "Bug!", and the list goes on and on.

These little Junior High School students had me smiling my face off for about an hour, and I am only glad I was able to provide them with some entertainment (i.e.: who is this silly American girl who can only speak broken Japanese? xD) in return. Aside from this extremely-random rapid-fire sort of language exchange (it's a first for me, lol!), we also talked about things to do in Kobe, the reading of their Kanji names, how long I'd be here (they were shocked that I was a college student! :P), which Disneyland is better in Tokyo and why, what clubs they were in, and all manner of other topics. It was SO. FUN. ♥

And, makes me reiterate. Sometimes, the long road is the one that has the most surprises. And creates the most memories. :)

And, for my fellow Kobe students: if you are ever walking home from school and see a bunch of girls on this step - try shouting "Hello!" to THEM! Maybe you'll make some friends too. ;)

AREN'T THEY JUST THE CUTEST?! I want to take them home with me. xD♥

Cooking with Hello Kitty~

Yep, still super behind on posts. So, to make up for it, it's a random-update time!! :D

Yes, the kimchee (キムチ) I bought yesterday has a Hello Kitty on it. ^^

In fact, Hello Kitty appears to be a Japanese runner in the London Olympics later this year - any bets on whether she'll win?

(Also, in case you didn't know - Yoshinoya is a fast food chain, which serves the sort of food that is pictured on the package. Granted, it's probably better quality-food, but it's kinda like buying BBQ sauce or french fries branded by McDonalds :P)

Well, all I can say is that cooking in Japan is sure more fun than anywhere else, most probably. ^-^ And as you can tell from below, even though I am cooking for myself, I'm not doing too bad. ;)

Anyhow, thanks, Hello Kitty! My stomach is happy~ ♥  （私のおなかは幸せ～ 笑 xD）

Walking, walking, always walking...

(FYI: Pictures are at the end of this wall of text ;) )

I didn't realize just how much I didn't walk, till I came to Japan.

And now, I realize for the first time just how different it is to live without the means of transportation I had always taken for granted.

In America, no matter where I am (whether at home or on a trip), I always have a car. Always. In fact, the first time I really took a bus by myself anywhere was last summer, when I had been given a bus pass for my Amazon internship, so I figured I'd try to use it to save money.

Because, yes. Gas is SUPER expensive. Yet, it is something we can complain about, but is a necessity. Because, we just have to go on and keep driving. Right? How else would we get where we need to go?

In Japan, this is NOT the case.

Yes, for me as a student of course I don't have a car, but this is also true (or they choose not to use it!!) for so many other people I see.

Granted, the train system/bus systems here are fantastic. But, besides that (or instead of, in many cases), people just walk. A lot.

I was not used to this when I arrived. In fact, I my aunty had just bought another pair of shoes for me before I came, which I hadn't thought I'd need. But oh boy, was I wrong. I have since bought other pairs of shoes as well, because I need to switch every day/every other day at least, since my feet can't handle being in one pair of shoes for too long (no matter how comfy, it's just too much).

My feet are bruised, marked, calloused, blistered, sometimes a bit swollen, and often sore. (wow, that sounds horrible. But it kinda is, so I'm not taking a picture, thought I considered it. XD)

But, as crazy as it sounds, I am proud of these "scars" I guess you could say, and actually relish the chance I have to walk! x) In fact, I would choose that almost every time (unless it's raining and I have heavy bags with me, HAHA!). I'm even all for hiking on weekends too!! xD

Granted, living on a mountain does make my form of walking a lot more difficult than the norm, I would think. x) As in, it is constant up and down (or 上り下り, I believe it's called ^^), and even just a trip to the grocery store takes about 15-20 minutes down, then the same amount of time (or more) back up the steep hill with all my groceries. And the walk to school makes me wonder if I'll simply melt during the summer! (the weather is already beginning to be hot, and this is worrisome...)

But, I love it. I love this form of exercise. I feel my body changing shape - my pants fit me differently, I'm able to walk up hills I at first nearly died on (lol) and now can do without breathing super differently, and by timing myself I can see I'm able to walk to school a bit faster and faster as time keeps going by.

I know, in America places are farther. You can't walk everywhere, and time is often more important than any money you might have to pay on gas.

But, it makes me wonder: if we all had the choice of walking, would we?
I wonder. But, I think I definitely want to try bring SOME of this back home, since I have found that I so very much just enjoy walking. With friends of course, but by myself as well.

Also, it's not boring at all. I see something new on my walks, each and every single day. :)
Japan is teaching me that you can rush from one point to the other and get there. But, what will you have missed had you just strolled along the way?

And so! If you are interested, come stroll with me through Kobe, and see what I have seen this past month! :D

Nicest cat in Kobe! (and there are a LOT of them) 

Lol, this little guy cracks me up whenever I see him. xD 

 :P

A school I pass when I go grocery shopping~ 

 Yeah, I don't know... so funny xD

It's me! lol

I love my friend~♥

Found this temple when I took a slightly different way from home one day! And clearly, I did at the perfect time!!

 Come back! :(

 This picture had me so excited. I loved this scene - it just was so pretty.

Oh yeah, I cross two "rivers" on my way to school! ;) 

 Was distracted taking pictures, and forgot to take my normal turn. So, found this! :)

And this is all just on my normal every-day walks - just an the way to school, the store, etc!

… Okay, well I guess I agree that Japan is prettier/more interesting than most places.

But still! Walk more! Get exercise! Go green and save the earth! (^^)v

Culture Shock! #2 - Old MacDonald wasn't the only one that had a farm...

Today, totally had a culture-trip!!

As I was climbing out of the cable-car we had taken down from the mountain we hiked up, I heard a very familiar tune.

"*something-something*-EE-I-EE-I-O!"

To say the least, I was QUITE confused, and totally thought I was hearing things. But, no, I heard the little boy singing it again, and I was totally surprised!!!

Had to run up to a Japanese friend, Shige, and ask him whether there was a children's song that has "EE-I-EE-I-O" in it. And, he looks super confused too, as he replied that of course there was! He and his friend that I just met today, Nobu, both looked up the lyrics to this song on their iphones.

The name in Japanese is ゆかいな牧場 ("Yukai-na Makiba" and per Wikipedia, this is literally: "Happy Farm").

And, here you go!

Please enable the captions if you want to read the lyrics! :D

(Btw, for those of you who speak Japanese, my friend Silvia and I thought the "あちもこちもどこでも" part was hilariously quite accurate - don't you think so too?! xD)

Upon looking this up at home, it is quite fascinating. The farmers are Ichiro and Jiro, and they have many animals as well, but since the Japanese sounds are different than English ones, even that is different!

Examples:
In America cows go "Moo" (pronounced "Muu"), whereas in Japan, they go "Moo" (pronounced "mow")!
In America dogs go "Bark-bark" (or "Arrff-arrff"), whereas in Japan they go "Wan-wan"!
In America pigs go "Oink-oink" whereas in Japan they go "Buu-buu"!
Fascinating, right?!

Actually, the really funny thing here was that Shige and Nobu totally didn't know that this was an English (and in fact, American) song. Whereas, I had been completely shocked to hear such a familiar tune (and at some parts even the same lyrics, or sounds, rather ^^) coming from a little kid in Japan!

Really though, surprising exchanges like this are actually not uncommon (though don't often happen in such a funny way!) when talking with my friends that I meet - both from Japan, and also from other countries.

Maybe countries share more things than we are even aware of. :)

Concerning Friendships

(Quick Disclosure: I actually wrote this  during my first week here, so it's about 2 weeks out of date. So, I might not write it quite like this anymore (or rather, it might be more developed ^^), but it is still is completely applicable. So, yeah, just know this was written with only having been here like 3-4 days, and was written in that frame of mind.)

~Concerning Friendships~
I had an interesting conversation with my friend the other day, and because it's something I don't ever want to forget, I wanted to write it down.

So, since I've arrived here, I can identify one overall question I've had: Why on earth did I choose to come for only one semester? I know, it's a silly feeling to have even on the very first day of arriving - who knows what I'll feel like in 5 months, right? But, while I am aware of that, I ask myself this question all the same.

For example: my wonderful mentor, Janice, is from Malaysia. She has been in Kobe for one year (but her Japanese is so good, man…. It's insane, Japanese people assume she is from here!!), and will remain two more years studying for a masters in accounting. And, of course I have talked to her about her choosing to study here, how she feels, etc.

I mean, maybe it's because both our focuses are the same, but I really just look at her and think "wow, that could be me." and I wonder… Would I want to stay for that long? I don't know about three years, certainly, but because of all the other people I see who are staying here a full year or who have come back for another semester, and the comments teachers and other students make ("Only 6 months? That's so short!")… I wonder. Did I make a bad choice? Should I have tried for longer?

Not that I was ever supposed to/able to be here a full year. I just have too many credits, and am already graduating late (well, not late according to the 5-year accounting standards… but late, if you count my running start year-and-a-half in xD), and already took off 6 months for Amazon. There just wasn't time left, especially if I wanted to be back in the States for recruiting season this Fall (I do), and if I want to be track president for my last year at UW (which I do, and will be! ^^). But… Still, it is hard to think about how short I actually will be here, and how much more I could have learned/experienced had I been able to stay a full year.

Anyhow, I was discussing this with my friend, who is also here for the same duration as me. And, she had quite a different perspective. While she was excited to be here, she also said that she has discovered just how "tied" she is to her hometown. We kind of compared thoughts, and views on it.

Viewpoints
I mean, I don't have as many friends as her, and I know it. We talked about that, and it's probably because I wasn't in high school with others all-day, every-day - home school is kinda like that, you know? ;) But in all seriousness, I agree completely that I don't have the same high school-friends relationships that probably most of you all have. And… I'm actually okay with that. I feel that I am more tied to my family than I would have been had I not been home all my years growing up, and while that may be weird to the rest of you, I'd never change a thing about my schooling history.

But anyways, while I definitely miss my family and friends, I see it this way: I have seen people leave for study abroad adventures, and miss them. But, I hear all about their time, enjoy watching their blogs/pictures/statuses on facebook, and keep up with them. Then, they come back, and we pick up our friendship. Others leave for good (if they're in Washington for their study abroad, for example), and in those cases I just keep up with them on facebook and wait for the next time I'll be able to see them. I've never questioned the way this goes.

But at the same time, I am very attached to people. Like, my friends? I desperately love them. Maybe they don't even know how much that is so (and most times, I really don't think they do). But, all those facebook posts, long random notes I give them, texts to catch up, and the time I try to carve out of the many crazy schedules and obligations that comprise life - they all are out of my desire to make sure the other person knows how I feel. And somehow (I didn't ask how), this friend I was talking to was very well-aware of this fact about me.

Yet, she said that our views of friendship are very different. How so? Well, she said mine seem more like I want to meet up with my friends, and catch up, talk, hear about their lives, and such. Which, is very true. While her times with friends, she said, is more like sitting together, playing video games together, and just basically being there with them. Breathing.

And when she said that, I knew that /was/ different for me. Yes, I love to be with my friends. And, I will as often as I can. But, I do think that I have a different view of my friendships. And, I don't think that comes from being homeschooled so much as my moving to Washington does.

Long Distance
See, when I moved from Hawaii, I was 11. Yes, that was young. But, my friendships with friends and cousins and other family members, all became long-distant. And often, it's a "see-you-for-two-weeks-a-year" kind of relationship. And, while that was super hard in the beginning, I have grown accustomed to it. And, I know that my relationship with the person is definitely not the same as if I were actually living with them all the time, but there is nothing I can do about it. And so, I am content with the time I get to see them, and during the interim, I know they have to live their life where they are, and I have mine, so I will message/call them and do my best to keep up my end when I possibly can, without overwhelming them. I'd be the first to say I'm not the best at always keeping up, but I do my best. And, that is something that just is normal.

So, for me, facebook has a much different meaning than it does for others. Maybe that's why people always make comments about my facebook to me in person (about my length/content of posts, which sometimes surprise them, or entertain them, etc.). I think the way I update my life there is kind of unusual, or at least have been told that, and I know exactly the reason. For people who I rarely see, never see, and possibly never will again - all the people I know in Hawaii, the people I have met at UW who are abroad, all my GHC friends from my last time in Japan, etc - it is my MAIN means of maintaining our friendship (and let's face it - it's the easiest way of staying in touch with all my friends at home too! Not like I assume everyone reads them and won't repeat the information in person though - unless I find out you already read it xD). And I absolutely love to read about their life, and I do my best to update those who are interested (and I'm sure there are plenty that aren't, which is cool ^^) with my own. And all my random long posts on my specially-close friends' walls? Those basically translate to "Always remember this: I miss you! I love you!" And, I mean every word.

See, I've never been able to rely solely on physical proximity to strengthen a relationship. And, I realize that for some, when that is removed, so is the closeness. But for others, this doesn't get in the way. I don't need to physically be with them in order to feel close to them (though I desperately want to, much of the time!!), and thus, being in Japan is just having /me/ be removed for a time. I will come back, I will see my friends, and I can't wait to pick up with them again. But, the time that I'm here, I look forward to make new friends, meeting up with some of those ones that I haven't seen in a long time, and learning as much as I can. So, I hope all my friends back at home aren't too sad to hear me say that I do wish I could be here longer. Because, while I miss you guys, I want to be the best person I can possibly be when I come back, and I wish I could have more time to develop myself! But, the fact is that I do have just half of a year, and that's also okay. Because, I'll attempt to make the most of every minute here. :)

And when I do return home? I expect many of those meet-ups and hang-outs, since by my view of friendship - we'll just have a lot of making-up to do. :) ♥

Day 15: こんにちは日本！！

And here is the beginning of the longest chapter of my trip. Enter: Japan. ♥

So as I said in my last daily-post, I woke up super early to get to the airport, but my flight to Japan from Guam was less than 4 hours. It was also first class though, so, was quite nice as well. :)

Breakfast~

I loved these clouds and seeing them block the sunbeams!

Change to Japan clouds… Japan looked rather similar to this when I came last time… ^^

Osaka? Maybe? Lol, it was shortly before I landed. xD

Then, landed! Woot!! \o/

Customs were less chaotic than I remember Tokyo being last time, and got through quite quick! Called my tutor, Janice, and hopped on a limo bus to Kobe. =)

Janice met me at the bus stop in the rain! She took me for my first meal in Japan: McDonalds – LOL!

But, I was sure to make it a very only-in-Japan meal. Like, a teriyaki tamago (egg) burger!?  :O

We took a taxi to my dorm because we wanted to make sure to make it to the business orientation – but it was canceled on account of a high-wind warning? Confusing – till I experienced it later that day!!!

We got to Kokui, and went through check-in, filling out paperwork, and dumping all my stuff in my room. Then, we listened to all the pitches for the different internet companies, and decided to go with the fastest one and the one my friends had had before. Little did I know what I was getting into… :P

ANYWAYS! Then Janice bused to the Rokkomichi station and my ever-patient/awesome tutor helped me buy all the stuff I’d need for my dorm. :) The excursion included fascination with things like Japanese shampoo refills, and other random discoveries. xD

Also the wind that I mentioned earlier? It was litterally pushing us down the street. I have never been in weather that strong, and it was insane! A particular thing that I'll remember is seeing an obasan (older woman) and her two probably-elementary school granddaughters , who were holding onto her and squealing because they kept being moved around. Apparently the trains were delayed hours, and it's a good thing we didn't have to be out in it for too long!! :)

Anyways, then! Janice’s friend Markelys met up with us, and we are at くら寿司, a yummy (and cheap!) kaiten sushi place!! It was so good. @.@ And, I was just sitting there, not even being able to believe that I was really there, eating sushi in Japan. :DD

Cheese Salmon?! :O 

Me and my amazing mentor, Janice~ ♥ She is the sweetest thing in the world, and I couldn’t have asked for a better mentor (and friend!!) to help me here!!! :)

We took the bus home, and though I got off afterwards, I managed to get off on the correct stop. \o/ Woot! I am pretty sure I couldn’t replicate a single move of the day, but I will learn my way around here, I’m sure… xD

I have no idea what time zone I was actually in at that point (it probably was like 4AM or something, Hawaii time xD), but I unpacked and arranged my room because I just couldn’t wait. =) It was about 11 that I finally went to bed after a freezing-cold shower (no hot water in my tank yet), and while I was tired, it was hard to do.

I just couldn't believe I was here. I'm really here.

I think the word "excited" doesn't even do this feeling justice. :)

And... this is just the beginning. ♥

Cooking with Ashley!

So… if you know about my family at all, odds are you know there is amazing food at my house. And, when I say amazing, I really mean: AMAZING. In fact, you might have even heard me complain about it (and possibly heard it a lot, especially if you are a school friend xD), and how I sometimes wish I wouldn't go home on weekends because it is ridiculously hard to keep from getting fat! >_<

Anyways, so because my dad and mom are both amazing at cooking (and my sister bakes…), well… it just is never really necessary for me to cook. Since, I couldn't make something that the rest of the family would like better, right? So… I just don't. =P

This, while considered briefly before my trip, clearly was not thought about enough. Because, once I arrived here, it was like "Oh shoot, I need to feed myself. Kjasbldj alkd asfl da!"

…

Yes, so, cooking has indeed been an adventure. I've been made fun of by a certain friend who apparently cooks wonderfully yummy Chinese food (FEED ME!), because for the first week or two, the main thing I was "cooking" was gyoza and stir-fry vegetables - though was amongst other ramen/soba/noodle-type things, okay?! Haha! But, I want to get better, so while I'm definitely asking for recipes from my mom, I have decided to keep trying on my own in the meantime! Because this is an aspect of my study abroad that so immensely amuses myself (yes, I laugh at myself - a lot xD), I thought I'd share with you the process of cooking tonight's dinner! xD

For the next few minutes, welcome to my mind! ;)

Cooking with Ashley~ ;)

[at the store] Oooh, bok choy! Discount! I'll cook that tonight!

[at home half an hour later] Oops. I didn't buy any meat. What am I going to make… Hm, I know my parents make bok choy with oyster sauce, and I have that. Okay, I'll do that! And… I have bean sprouts. And tofu. This can totally be a meal.

*prepares pot and bok choy*

Oh wait, I guess I should maybe look up an actual recipe, that might be smart. xD

*googles "bok choy oyster sauce" and clicks first site*

*Scans quickly* Okay, I am not going to use all the other ingredients, but no worries. I totally gots this. x)

*Ignores the use of oil and garlic and ginger, and just boils water (also finally looks up the kanji on the burner and realizes that she should have been using the other button all this time… At least I know now, so yay?), and throws bok choy in, waits, then takes out*

Perfect! :D

*Didn't realize that was supposed to keep the water in the pot for the sauce. So, just put a tiny bit of water in with some oyster sauce  and pepper and garlic powder*

*Quickly realizes this probably wasn't the right thing to do, and actually reads the instructions this time*

Ohhh…

Psh, no worries. I can fix this. *pours in some water. Stares at for a minute* Hmm, that was probably too much water. But not my fault, I don't know what 100ML is, and don't have a way to find out!!

*remembers she bought a measuring cup*

Okay, forget that happened…

*after a bit longer, is bored* This is taking forever. I'm going to cook my beansprouts now, instead of frying them with the tofu after. *chucks some in*

Perfect! :D

*pulls out* Okay, now to wait till my sauce boils down…

…. *couple minutes later* GOOD ENOUGH!

*pours on the bok choy* Snap, I probably should have tasted that first… Nah, I'm sure it's fine! =P

... Oh shoot, I forgot the tofu. *stares at package* Um…. Oh! I'll just cut it up and eat it with shoyu (soy sauce), like at home. Is like that just as a side dish, but no one has to know that. (Shhhh!) x)

Done!! :D

いただきます！！！(Itadakimasu!!!) xD

And…. Yes. That was my dinner-making process tonight. No joke. :P And… probably no one else would eat what I just made, but I thought it was fine! See, this is why it's a good thing I'm only cooking for myself, because while you all would probably hate it (doesn't it look okay though, at least??), I am content (maybe I have weird taste buds?), and so it's all good! In fact, maybe it's more healthy this way, since clearly I am simple and use only very basic ingredients... Maybe? lol!

Oh, and I'm also super glad I have my own kitchen in my room. I can't imagine having to be in a shared one and have people watch me not know what I'm doing. :P

So… yeah. Totally just failed the Matsumoto name, as I clearly do not possess the amazing skills of my predecessors. Maybe I'll get better after some cooking videos or something.  Or… maybe not. LOL xD

Unless.. Anyone want to teach me? ;D

(Btw, I had dessert too, if you are concerned that I might not be full at this point:

Of course, this lovely dango was half-off. I am a discount shopper if I ever buy sweets here. xD)

Alright, hope you enjoyed laughing at me as much as I enjoyed writing this post~ xD Bye, everyone!! ♥

Culture Shock! #1 - Japanese Exams in Japan?

Hi guys!
Yes, I am behind in posts.
Yes, I am trying to catch up.
No, I probably won't for a while. LOL.

Anyways! there are a million things that keep happening, and I still want to be able to share them with you! Because they don't always fit into my day-posts (or are rather more random, or separate little stories, or just outright deserve their own spotlight!), I figured I'd also start a series of short ones like this! Let me know if you find them interesting, boring, random, amusing, confusing, tedious, obvious, platypus, etc. (does anyone read my post anyways?), and if you want more! :D

Culture Shock! #1: Japanese Exams in Japan?

Today, my Japanese class had the most confusing test I have ever taken.
No, not hard-confusing. Just confusing-confusing.

As in, for the first hour or so of class, we went over the assigned homework. This included listening to dictations, fill-in-the-blanks, and multiple choice. And, we went over all the answers, so everyone had the correct ones.

Then, we had a test. Directly after. And... To my utmost confusion, it was the exact same questions as the homework we had gone over 30 seconds before.

At first, it seemed like it was a trick. Maybe you were /supposed/ to think that it was the same, then they'd catch you, and you get them all wrong. Sounds like something instructors would do (and have been known to do), right??

Nope. It was the same. Exactly the same.

My Japanese Sensei at UW who works so hard to make very challenging exams would be appalled. I was, myself. Lol :P Is this really how Japanese exams in Japan are?! Time will only tell, when I experience the rest of the exams this semester. x) All I know, is it makes me slightly tempted to get credit for these classes (and thus, a bunch of awesome grades, hopefully!), instead of basically auditing them like I currently am planning on doing.... ^^

Days 13-14(?): A Hui Ho Hawaii/how did one day become two?

Sunday, April 1 (Ending with Monday April 2!): The day I left the US. :) I stayed up quite late packing the previous night (with my cousin Josh hanging out with me, playing random youtube videos and listening to random music x) ), but got up early enough to get most everything done that I needed to, and with time to spare! (what a change from when I was packing till the last minute in Seattle… xD)

And for my last meal here, my wonderful Grandma made me an amazing chirashi lunch:

Then, we even had time to take her to Costco again. Hehe, I loved all my shopping trips with her this trip. :)

Then, my Aunty Joanie came home from her church, in time to say good bye. And, do a quick photo shoot outside?! Hehe, of course. xD

Isn’t this just a gorgeous couple? They are so very much in love with each other, and /I/ love them so much. I am as much at home with them as when I am in Washington, and I am just so happy to have such an amazing relationship with my grandparents, even while much is across an ocean. I know that’s indeed a gift, and I treasure it so very much. ♥

(not sure what was up with this exposure. :( )

My cuz so totally loves me. =P  (jk, he’s just too cool to show it in a picture x))

I love my Hawaii. I really will miss it. But, I’m super excited for everything else that I’ll be seeing during the next 5 months. ^o^

After saying goodbye to everyone and getting dropped off at the airport (*sniff/cry*), I chilled at the United Club lounge. Yes, I’m special. x) The reason was my friend’s brother helped book my flights, and he was able to get my BUSINESS CLASS on my way to Japan. However, I had NO idea what that entailed, till I took off….

It’s funny how despite being from here and having family to stay with, there are at least 3 of these hotels that are kinda like home to me too….. ^^♥ perks of being part of my family. ;)

And here, is what I ate on the plane ride to Guam (my layover point):

Lobster salad

Filet mignon with guava glaze and sweet potatoes~

And a custom ice cream sundae!

And in addition - all the chips and fruit you could want, an ice cream sandwich, a warm chocolate-chip cookie, a fruit bowl with chocolates and a warm turkey and cheese sandwich. They just would not stop offering food. :P

So, Seat 1A in Business First on an International flight... All I can say is: WOW! xD

Landed, then spent the night in Guam, which was just a tiiiiny little island!! Didn’t do anything but get to the hotel and shower and sleep, then got up at 4am Guam time to get to the airport – so no pictures, and I don’t even feel I truly can say I was there. :P

This is the touristy portion – basically a suuuper mini version of Waikiki, apparently. ^^

And… that was my one day, which (because of crossing the International Date Line) somehow became two. Well, I’ll gain that lost time back when I return, I guess. xD