(Quick Disclosure: I actually wrote this during my first week here, so it's about 2 weeks out of date. So, I might not write it quite like this anymore (or rather, it might be more developed ^^), but it is still is completely applicable. So, yeah, just know this was written with only having been here like 3-4 days, and was written in that frame of mind.)
~Concerning Friendships~
I had an interesting conversation with my friend the other day, and because it's something I don't ever want to forget, I wanted to write it down.
So, since I've arrived here, I can identify one overall question I've had: Why on earth did I choose to come for only one semester? I know, it's a silly feeling to have even on the very first day of arriving - who knows what I'll feel like in 5 months, right? But, while I am aware of that, I ask myself this question all the same.
For example: my wonderful mentor, Janice, is from Malaysia. She has been in Kobe for one year (but her Japanese is so good, man…. It's insane, Japanese people assume she is from here!!), and will remain two more years studying for a masters in accounting. And, of course I have talked to her about her choosing to study here, how she feels, etc.
I mean, maybe it's because both our focuses are the same, but I really just look at her and think "wow, that could be me." and I wonder… Would I want to stay for that long? I don't know about three years, certainly, but because of all the other people I see who are staying here a full year or who have come back for another semester, and the comments teachers and other students make ("Only 6 months? That's so short!")… I wonder. Did I make a bad choice? Should I have tried for longer?
Not that I was ever supposed to/able to be here a full year. I just have too many credits, and am already graduating late (well, not late according to the 5-year accounting standards… but late, if you count my running start year-and-a-half in xD), and already took off 6 months for Amazon. There just wasn't time left, especially if I wanted to be back in the States for recruiting season this Fall (I do), and if I want to be track president for my last year at UW (which I do, and will be! ^^). But… Still, it is hard to think about how short I actually will be here, and how much more I could have learned/experienced had I been able to stay a full year.
Anyhow, I was discussing this with my friend, who is also here for the same duration as me. And, she had quite a different perspective. While she was excited to be here, she also said that she has discovered just how "tied" she is to her hometown. We kind of compared thoughts, and views on it.
Viewpoints
I mean, I don't have as many friends as her, and I know it. We talked about that, and it's probably because I wasn't in high school with others all-day, every-day - home school is kinda like that, you know? ;) But in all seriousness, I agree completely that I don't have the same high school-friends relationships that probably most of you all have. And… I'm actually okay with that. I feel that I am more tied to my family than I would have been had I not been home all my years growing up, and while that may be weird to the rest of you, I'd never change a thing about my schooling history.
But anyways, while I definitely miss my family and friends, I see it this way: I have seen people leave for study abroad adventures, and miss them. But, I hear all about their time, enjoy watching their blogs/pictures/statuses on facebook, and keep up with them. Then, they come back, and we pick up our friendship. Others leave for good (if they're in Washington for their study abroad, for example), and in those cases I just keep up with them on facebook and wait for the next time I'll be able to see them. I've never questioned the way this goes.
But at the same time, I am very attached to people. Like, my friends? I desperately love them. Maybe they don't even know how much that is so (and most times, I really don't think they do). But, all those facebook posts, long random notes I give them, texts to catch up, and the time I try to carve out of the many crazy schedules and obligations that comprise life - they all are out of my desire to make sure the other person knows how I feel. And somehow (I didn't ask how), this friend I was talking to was very well-aware of this fact about me.
Yet, she said that our views of friendship are very different. How so? Well, she said mine seem more like I want to meet up with my friends, and catch up, talk, hear about their lives, and such. Which, is very true. While her times with friends, she said, is more like sitting together, playing video games together, and just basically being there with them. Breathing.
And when she said that, I knew that /was/ different for me. Yes, I love to be with my friends. And, I will as often as I can. But, I do think that I have a different view of my friendships. And, I don't think that comes from being homeschooled so much as my moving to Washington does.
Long Distance
See, when I moved from Hawaii, I was 11. Yes, that was young. But, my friendships with friends and cousins and other family members, all became long-distant. And often, it's a "see-you-for-two-weeks-a-year" kind of relationship. And, while that was super hard in the beginning, I have grown accustomed to it. And, I know that my relationship with the person is definitely not the same as if I were actually living with them all the time, but there is nothing I can do about it. And so, I am content with the time I get to see them, and during the interim, I know they have to live their life where they are, and I have mine, so I will message/call them and do my best to keep up my end when I possibly can, without overwhelming them. I'd be the first to say I'm not the best at always keeping up, but I do my best. And, that is something that just is normal.
So, for me, facebook has a much different meaning than it does for others. Maybe that's why people always make comments about my facebook to me in person (about my length/content of posts, which sometimes surprise them, or entertain them, etc.). I think the way I update my life there is kind of unusual, or at least have been told that, and I know exactly the reason. For people who I rarely see, never see, and possibly never will again - all the people I know in Hawaii, the people I have met at UW who are abroad, all my GHC friends from my last time in Japan, etc - it is my MAIN means of maintaining our friendship (and let's face it - it's the easiest way of staying in touch with all my friends at home too! Not like I assume everyone reads them and won't repeat the information in person though - unless I find out you already read it xD). And I absolutely love to read about their life, and I do my best to update those who are interested (and I'm sure there are plenty that aren't, which is cool ^^) with my own. And all my random long posts on my specially-close friends' walls? Those basically translate to "Always remember this: I miss you! I love you!" And, I mean every word.
See, I've never been able to rely solely on physical proximity to strengthen a relationship. And, I realize that for some, when that is removed, so is the closeness. But for others, this doesn't get in the way. I don't need to physically be with them in order to feel close to them (though I desperately want to, much of the time!!), and thus, being in Japan is just having /me/ be removed for a time. I will come back, I will see my friends, and I can't wait to pick up with them again. But, the time that I'm here, I look forward to make new friends, meeting up with some of those ones that I haven't seen in a long time, and learning as much as I can. So, I hope all my friends back at home aren't too sad to hear me say that I do wish I could be here longer. Because, while I miss you guys, I want to be the best person I can possibly be when I come back, and I wish I could have more time to develop myself! But, the fact is that I do have just half of a year, and that's also okay. Because, I'll attempt to make the most of every minute here. :)
And when I do return home? I expect many of those meet-ups and hang-outs, since by my view of friendship - we'll just have a lot of making-up to do. :) ♥
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